Evilution transcript
(Emily is seen walking to school. Dante and Angela approach her.) Emily: Don't tell me, this was about me ratting you both out to Principal Kadic over skipping class to attend a therapy session. Dante: Don't you think you could've toned down the snitching a little? You made us look like stereotypical bullies rather than three-dimensional bullies. Emily: I'd love to, but rules are rules. Next time, crush those hours like anyone else would. (Angela grabs her.) Angela: You have no idea how close I was. Someone has to suffer for it, so while I have you. (Dante and Angela throw her into a dumpster.) Dante: Do this to anyone else, and we'll throw you in the dumpster under the bridge. (the two walk away and Emily sits up in the dumpster.) Emily: Ottawa's starting to look good right about now. (a plastic milk carton is thrown at her.) Emily: Hey! This is a non-recyclable bin! And there's still milk in here! (intro plays) (it cuts to a closeup of Ms. Chapley's mouth.) Ms. Chapley: For the last time Yuzna, I need an answer. Dolly: Uh... uh... Ms. Chapley: I don't have all day, GIVE ME AN ANSWER! Dolly: One's north and one's south? Ms. Chapley: Cute. But no. A key difference between North and South Dakota is that the didn't give a unanimous vote for Gerald Ford in the 1976 election, unlike North Dakota who has steadily voted republican since 1972. Everyone knows that. Dolly: Sorry guys, you believed in me and I totally let you down. Suzy: Don't worry Dolly, we never believed in you. Elizabeth: If you pointed out North Dakota's lack of a national landmark you would've made it. Ms. Chapley: Alright class, it's the first Friday of the month, and that means it's time to hold my favorite tradition. Social class projects, and today's subject is- (the students do a drumroll on their desks) Ms. Chapley: I didn't ask for a drumroll! Ahem, the subject is science. You'll all be paired with students based on the interactions you have with them. ???: Hold it! Hold everything. Ms. Chapley: Who the heck are you? Samuel: Sam Perrino, indie attorney. Hi Francis! Francis: Why Uncle Sam...? Ms. Chapley: What's happing here exactly? Samuel: On behalf of Ms. Meeks, I'm here to deliver a personal order. (Samuel gives her a sheet of paper.) Ms. Chapley: Do not pair Alison Meeks and Colleen Dixon with anyone but themselves otherwise you may face hefty disobedience. Okay fine, Meeks and Dixon. Alison: Darn straight. Ms. Chapley: And on the off chance anyone else wants to throw an attorney at me, Yorke and Kennedy. Fiona: Did you hear that? We practically got a unanimous pairing. Ashley: Well thank god for that because I don't plan on thinking of anything to do for the project. Fiona: You know it! Ashley/Fiona: YEAH! WOO! Ms. Chapley: Since you two practically live with one another, Sandoval and Lipstone. Jerry: Atta teach. Ms. Chapley: Dobson and Dobson since you two are siblings. Have I covered everyone who may object to a random pairing? Come on, I'll stop right here, everyone who'd object to being with someone different please speak now or be forever held back by a verbal commitment! No, okay then. Bench and Proctor. Becky: Oh thank you thank you thank you thank you. Randall: I accept. Ms. Chapley: Bliss and Sutcliffe. Corkery and Ahrens. Dallow and Blythe. Julie: Hang on, hang the heck on. Emily Blythe? Ms. Chapley: Nobody has the same last name in my class unless they're related by blood. You're working with Blythe. Dante: Julie got Blythed! (the students laugh at her.) Julie: But, I don't understand. I'm a relatively good student, this is just a crunchy outer crust. I bring my homework in on time, I WANTED to go to school and not live on the streets, the only bad thing I did recently was intentionally not put deodorant on. Sam: I could confirm that had it not been for the fact that this room is well-conditioned I'd be suffocating, had it not been for the fact that I work around smelly things. Julie: Emily rats on everyone, you can't trust her as far as you could throw her. Just the thought of being with her for more than a few minutes makes me sick to my stomach. Emily: Oh, don't pretend you don't love it. Julie: Can it lens-crapper. Ms. Chapley: Both of you can it. Once the pairing is made you have to honor that commitment. It's our states moral creed. Anyone who doesn't honor a commitment. All: Is as insignificant as San Francisco. (Elizabeth raises her hand.) Ms. Chapley: What is it? Elizabeth: Me, Dolly and Suzy need to go. Film club is starting in five minutes and we need to go over tomorrow night's screening. Ms. Chapley: Finally, something reasonable. You don't need to get a hall-pass, Principal Kadic will be in the auditorium. (the three leave. Emily raises her hand too.) Ms. Chapley: Now what? Emily: I'd like to be excused too. I want to get a head start on my project. Ms. Chapley: Wanting to leave to do work related to school. That's unbelievably rare. Dallow, you may go. (the two walk out) Julie: So what do you have in mind for our project? Emily: I'll let you know when I think of something. Julie: Beg pard? Emily: For now, let's just hang out and get to know each other. We could hit the arcade? Get a bite to eat? Julie: You excused yourself just to ditch? Wow, for a snitch you're pretty sharp. Emily: I'm a stickler for the rules, but at my core I'm a caterpillar who's due to come out of the cocoon. Julie: We should probably leave. Emily: Where to? Julie: Comic shop? Emily: Dynamite. (both run out of the school.) (it goes to the auditorium.) Elizabeth: This will not stand! Dolly: This is totally a travesty! Suzy: Smh. Cosmo: The Shining? Girls, it's The Shining. The best horror story you could ask for. Elizabeth: At the cost of what made the book so great. Dolly: Yeah, where does Stanley Cue-tip get off totally going against the book? Cosmo: Oh right, I forgot at least two of you belong to the pretentious readers society. Elizabeth: On behalf of the school's film society, we refuse to screen that film. Cosmo: Oh, are you the everything American is inferior to everything overseas? Elizabeth: Actually that's Dolly's department. I'm more into obscure quality stuff. Cosmo: Well then, if you're so dead set on getting a different movie, I'll leave you all to it. Suzy: What's your preferred player? Cosmo: Our projectors support VHS, DVD, laserdisc, betamax and sixteen millimeter film stock. Elizabeth: So whatever's available then? Cosmo: Region one only. Elizabeth: Fine, and unfortunately for you my parents pay me to get out of the house, so I think I could afford to buy another film. Cosmo: Fine so get it. Elizabeth: I will. Cosmo: I'm happy for you. Elizabeth: You should be. (it goes to the arcade where Emily is playing Escape the Set of The Island of Dr. Moreau) Julie: Come on, dodge those producer requests. Emily: I know I know. Julie: Oh no, here comes Val Kilmer. Emily: What do I do? Julie: Hit the distributor change button. (Emily hits it.) Julie: Oh man you got paired with Miramax. Emily: If I had given him the Don Simpson treatment I would've made it. Julie: Oh well, wanna hit the comic store? Emily: Sure, and heck, since we promised Ms. Chapley we'd go out looking for inspiration we could find it through fiction. But wait, isn't there only one comic shop in the whole state? Julie: If you're talking about the one in Tashmore, that's just the first comic shop in the state. No other is within its own building, just follow me. (the two head out, unknowingly passing Elizabeth, Dolly and Suzy as they venture into the video store.) Elizabeth: It's like a little slice of paradise in here. Suzy: Is that why your basement is like this? Elizabeth: I live in the basement, and I needed an excuse to keep all of my videos when my folks had to make space. Suzy: Whatever, let's just pick something and get out of here. Elizabeth: Hold it, when it comes to picking movies, you don't just pick something. You've got to feel it, and have knowledge on numerous obscure B-movie distributors. (The three go up to the counter.) Elizabeth: Excuse me *looking at name tag* Jan, we're looking for a relatively obscure movie. Jan: I need a name. Suzy: Just get something everyone knows. Elizabeth: I refuse to subject anyone, even those in our film club to films they've seen already. Jan: Obscure aficionado eh? Okay, now you're talking my language. Just say it as you think it. Elizabeth: Got anything by Troma Entertainment? Jan: Unfortunately all I got are their comedy films and bootleg tapes of The Toxic Crusaders. Elizabeth: Ech. Suzy: Hate comedy? Elizabeth: No, Toxic Crusaders is yet another kid-friendly cash-in on a non kid friendly property. Dolly: Totally like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles right? Jan: Okay, how about something you never heard of. This film received a limited release in the United Kingdom before it got pulled during the video nasty era. Not even the pre-certs got a hold of this. Praying Man-Tis, distributed by World Northal Corporation in '83. Elizabeth: World Northal? Didn't they distribute martial arts films? Jan: They were the original distributors for The Children until Troma got their hands on it. Is this the kind of thing you're looking for? Elizabeth: Hmmm, I'm not sure. Dolly: Hey Lizzy, how about we get this instead? (Dolly holds up a copy of Audition) Elizabeth: Sold, on Praying Man-Tis. (it goes to Julie and Emily at the comic shop.) Emily: No way, is that Superman number one? Julie: Shh, the owner doesn't know how much these comics are really worth. Emily: Probably because these don't even qualify as sorta mint. Julie: More into the weirder fair. Oh sweet, the latest issue of fly boy. Emily: Isn't that based on that Jeff Goldblum movie? Julie: No stupid, it's its own thing, about a boy who goes through an experiment to increase his stamina that gives him fly features after one lands in the formula, yeah you have to read it to understand it. Emily: Pass, I'm more into Hiss, it's a Spider-Man spin-off with a female Lizard. Heavy stuff once you get into it. Julie: It's weird how we're both into stories about people who get mutated. Emily? (Emily is distracted by her own thoughts.) Julie: You still with me? Emily: I just figured out what we could do for our science project. Julie: Mutation? Emily: Bingo, and I could talk to Ms. Chapley into letting us use the science lab to do it in. Julie: Well she did let us out early with no questions asked. Emily: If you're up to it let's do it before the day ends. (the two head over to school. Clifford grabs Emily.) Clifford: A little bird told me you were the one that told the principal that I flooded the bathroom. Julie: Lay off her Clifford. Clifford: This is like a right of passage. Everyone did this to her. Emily: He has a point. Clifford: Well since that's settled. (Clifford hurls Emily toward the wall, breaking her glasses and making her books fall into a puddle.) Clifford: Since this is off school grounds. Julie: I won't say anything, I'm no snitch unless it's called for. Clifford: That means a lot more to me than you think it does. Good luck on the project by the way. (Clifford runs off as Emily picks herself up.) Julie: Emily- Emily: It's fine. Happens a lot. Julie: It's not fine, your glasses are broken and your books- Emily: I said it happens. I don't let that kind of stuff bother me. I'll meet you at the school, I just need to get my stuff together. Julie: Okay then. (Julie runs off. Emily clenches her fists and growls, facing a trash can. She picks it up and slams it on the ground, huffing.) (in the auditorium, Cosmo is preparing for the screening.) Ms. Chapley: Cosmo, I love what you're doing with the place, but this is just for the film club. Cosmo: Sorry, but there's money to be had. Besides, I need to pay for the repairs to the boys bathroom. ???: We could make it worth your while. Cosmo: What do you want Francis? Francis: We'll grant you the money needed to fix the bathrooms, if you prepare a skybox for me and my associates. Tiberius: And don't be cheap with the snacks. Cosmo: I need fifty grand. Francis: Fifty grand!? Cosmo: Plus tax. Francis: Hmph, always finding ways to put down the little ones. Cosmo: You wanted an estimate you got one sweetheart. (it goes to Julie waiting in the science lab. Emily comes in and Julie notices wounds on her fists.) Julie: Woah, what happened to you? Emily: Nothing. I got the samples. (Emily places down a tank containing a lizard and a jar containing a wingless mosquito.) Julie: So uh, what's going to happen here? Emily: I'm going to expose the mosquito to radiation, then I'm going to extract some of its DNA and put it into the lizard. Easy as pie. Julie: Now where do we get the radiation? Emily: Well I found this battery in the dumpster under the bridge. Was vibrating like crazy. (Emily puts the battery in the jar and rips the top open, exposing the mosquito to radiation.) Emily: That should do it. And now... (Emily removes the mosquito with a pair of tongs and puts it into the lizard tank, where it bites the lizard on the neck.) Julie: Now for the moment of truth. (they wait a while and nothing happens.) Emily: I don't get it. It'd leave some kind of reaction by now. (Emily puts her hand in the tank and the lizard bites it.) Emily: AGH! (the lizard climbs out of the cage with the mosquito still on it and it goes toward Julie. The lizard misses but the mosquito lands in a petrie dish with chemicals. It crawls onto Julie and bites her on the top of her hand.) Julie: This is not good. Emily: We'd better get out of here. (the two run out of the room. The lizard knocks over the petrie dish and other chemicals, which get into a series of tanks containing insects. They touch it and begin to mutate.) (the next day, Cosmo is seen bringing donuts into his office.) Cosmo: Ah, Hope. How're you this morning? Ms. Chapley: Can't complain. Cosmo: Me either. Decided to sack up and try the dozen discount today. Got twelve jellies in here. (Cosmo opens the box.) Cosmo: Holy foreshadowing, the sugar's gone! That's the best part about a jelly donut. What's the point of a jelly donut if it just looks like a roll? Ms. Chapley: Hate to point out the worst, but the jelly appears to be gone too. Cosmo: Okay, so I got ripped, no big deal. I'll just borrow some substitutes. (Cosmo and Ms. Chapley sneak over to someone's lunch bag and looks inside.) Ruth: HEY! Keep away from my lunch! (the two run away.) (in class. Julie takes a seat while her friends look her over.) Colleen: I dare you. Alison: But it looks gross. Colleen: Looks gross, but is it gross in any other category? Alison: Well, only one way to find out. (Alison touches Julie's back.) Julie: What're you doing? Alison: Have you noticed something weird about your back? Julie: What do you mean? Alison: How do I put this lightly... Colleen: There're sores all over it. Julie: What? How?! Colleen: Anything up with your bed? Julie: No, and it looked fine this morning, aside from my wrists. Had a little ache in them- Dolly: Ouch! (Julie looks over and sees Dolly's bleeding. She pays close attention to the wound.) Julie: Can I get a look at that? Dolly: Okay. I totally should learn not to touch the points on a staple remover. (Julie grabs Dolly's finger and begins sucking on it. After a while she sucks her dry.) Dolly: Hey, I feel better, and totally lightheaded. (Dolly collapses.) Colleen: Speaking of weird, how come Emily's not here? Alison: Who knows? Who cares? She ratted on us after we decided to have lunch in the vents. (Ms. Chapley comes in.) Ms. Chapley: Okay class, hope you had a good weekend. I regret to inform you that Emily Blythe isn't in class today. Hold your enthusiasm. So let's tackle a random subject today. We'll discuss, mutation. (Julie leans closer.) Ms. Chapley: Mutation is possible through the introduction of a foreign agent to one's DNA. Depending on the strength of the agent, it'll attach to the cells of the host and rework their body chemistry. The effects vary, once more depending on the strength of the agent. (Julie raises her hand.) Ms. Chapley: Dallow. Julie: Would it be possible to get mutated after, talking hypothetically here, getting bitten by a radioactive mosquito? (Julie's voices slowly husks as she speaks.) Ms. Chapley: Well if you dug a battery out of the dumpster beneath the bridge, it's enough to rock anyone's system, and I think you should see someone about that voice, and those... sores. (Julie looks and sees red marks around her wrists, and some sores on her shoulders.) Alison: Julie, what's hap- (Julie pushes Alison away.) Julie: I gotta go! (Julie runs out of the room and goes into the bathroom. She looks at herself in the mirror and notices her complexion is yellowish.) Julie: What's happening to me? (Julie looks at her wrists and notices the markings are spreading. She removes her wristband and is horrified to see how red the area is. She lifts up her shirt and is even more shocked by the amount of sores and scabs that've formed on her.) Julie: No, nononono. I can't stay here... (Julie opens the window and leaps out of it.) (back to the classroom, Dolly wakes up.) Dolly: Phew, what happened? I haven't felt this weird since I saw that hook cartoon. Alison: I'll tell ya, it's something on a grand scale. Colleen: Because of what Julie did alone? Alison: No stupid, what Julie did, the fact that Emily isn't here, the fact that they worked together and the last we saw of them they were normal. Plus there's the fact that the science room is now off limits. Colleen: Well what can we do? Alison: I'll get back to you on that. (it cuts to Julie as she enters a trailer park. She goes to a trailer and knocks on the door.) Julie: Tyne, Meda, it's Julie. Please let me in. Tyne: Jules? What happened to you? You sound like you caught something fierce. (Julie holds the door back.) Julie: Before you open it, don't be scared. I look really strange, and I don't know who else to go to. Please. Tyne: How bad could- Oh. (Tyne sees Julie's skin is even more off-color and scabby.) Tyne: What is this? Julie: Mutation. Tyne: Well, you could sleep on the couch tonight. Julie: Thank you... (it goes to Emily's room. She's facing away from the viewer.) Emily: Six weeks!? I can't wait that long! This is too severe! Are you kidding? I have scales! (Emily turns around and we see her skin is dry and scaly.) Emily: Forget it! I'll find another way. (Emily slams the phone down and takes deep breaths.) Emily: Keep it together. Keep it together. (night strikes as the screening is about to begin.) Cosmo: Step right up! Step right up! Five bucks per admission with an additional six or seven for food and drinks! Elizabeth: Well, looks like all of Belbury is in for some kind of treat. I was hoping for a private screening. Suzy: You and me both. Dolly: There's totally no way anything will happen that'll turn this event into an over the top mess. Suzy: Why say that as if it'll happen? Elizabeth: Did you forget what town we're in? (back to Julie, she's attempting to sleep, but is unable to. She's sweating heavily. She sits up and doubles over, succumbing to more changes. Her body begins to grow as the sores and scabs cover her body. Her muscle tone drastically increases as her hair becomes dead and stringy while her face scrunches. She slams through the wall and runs out, awakening Tyne and Meda.) Meda: Oh dang, it got worse. Tyne: Up for a night ride? Meda: I call passenger. Tyne: Dang. (it goes to Emily.) Emily: I can't believe this is happening. All because I want to follow the rules. I'm a stickler, that doesn't make me a horrible person! (Emily punches her wall.) Emily: All they ever did was mock me. If only this mutated me further. I could make them all pay! (Emily trembles.) Emily: Ou-gh. AAGH! (Emily rams her side into the wall and she begins growing, her shirt and pants rip as her skin takes on a green color. She makes her way out as all that remains on her is an undershirt and a pair of briefs. A tail grows, her face extends into a snout with sharp teeth and her hair falls out, leaving a long tuft on the right. She lets out a roar as she rams through the wall.) (at the school, the screening is in progress.) Man: Oh my goodness, it's the leg of the praying mantis. Suzy: In other words a boom mic. Elizabeth: I'm beginning to think Dolly made the right call back at the store. Suzy: You kidding? (on the screen, a giant bug rips through.) Cosmo: Wow, these 3D effects are amazing. Wait, there wasn't any hint to this happening, that's a beetle, not a praying mantis, and goodness me, I'm not wearing 3D glasses. What the heck's going on here!? Ms. Chapley: I'd prefer not to answer, but rather evacuate. Cosmo: Good idea. (Cosmo sounds an alarm and the students run. The teachers and the Elites barricade themselves in a secret room, while Alison and Colleen are locked out.) Alison: For the love of god there's still room for us! (Francis opens the door) Francis: We're too important to die. (Francis shuts the door.) Alison: We have some options here, we could run for the back exit, but who knows if there're more bugs out there. We could also try ramming down the door here. Colleen: There're no locks, so chances are they just wedged something beneath the door. The toolshed is to the right below the stairs. Alison: It's our only chance. (the two head down there but they run into giant cobwebs.) Alison: Man these bugs work fast! Colleen: To be fair when was the last time anyone ever went in this room? Alison: True. If these were new they'd be a lot stickier. (Colleen reaches for a saw, only to get scared by something she sees and fall back onto a spider web.) Alison: Why does it always lead to a spider web!? ???: Happy place, I'm in my happy place in my happy place... Alison: Colleen I didn't know you had- Colleen: It's not me Ali. (the two see that Ashley and Fiona are stuck on the web.) Alison: What're you guys doing here? Fiona: We were sent to get food for the people in the sky bunker, and the halls were basically off limits. Ashley: You gotta help me, you gotta help me. Alison: So you're arachnophobic Ashley? Ashley: Shut up! Keep talking and we're bound to be spider chow! Alison: Okay, just relax and I'll help you out. (Alison takes the saw and slashes the webbing around the three.) Colleen: That was surprisingly easy. Alison: Uh Ashley, what's up? (Ashley points to the back as she quivers in fear.) Fiona: Time to meet the web maker. (A giant spider moves toward the girls, but Emily could be heard from outside. She slams into the room and kills the spider.) Ashley: That was way too convenient. Colleen: But it did get rid of a major roadblock. (Emily looks at the girls and growls.) Alison: But I think we had better odds with the spider. Fiona: Make a break for it! (the girls run for the exit and find Julie.) Alison: Julie!? Can you understand me Jules? (Julie looks at her and then throws her at a light post before running off.) Colleen: Alison! Alison: Your honor in the case of Meeks vs pole, the defense rests. (Alison collapses. The girls see the bugs getting killed inside of the school while the rest of the Halloween Kids join them.) Sam: I take it this is why the science lab is closed? Alison: No time for rhetorical questions. We've got a serious problem. Julie's turned into some kind of monster, and we also have a giant lizard on our hands. What'll we do? Colleen: Call it quits? Alison: No! We can't just give up on- Colleen: No, I mean we need to call it quits, we're pushing past twenty here. We'll think of something next time. Alison: Aw, I was hoping to get overtime for this. Anyway, Helga, do the honors. (narration.) Helga: Will the Halloween Kids be able to return Julie to normal? And what of the giant lizard? Will Alison and Colleen also get back at the Elites and teachers for not giving them shelter and leaving them to nearly get eaten by a giant spider, come on how could anyone be so heartless? Tune in next time and at least two of these questions will be answered. (a to be continued screen appears) (credits)